AquaShield Pool enclosure and my bad english :)

Got a call from the client this morning – he complained that the text on the front page is written in bad English. My first reaction was to ask – how many people REALLY read what’s written there… and what’s more important for him – good page ranking in search engines or some mistakes (they are, actually, just sentences that are hard to read, not so much mistakes) that will hardly be notices.

Here’s what’s there now:

Let Aqua Shield increase your entertaining space and transform your outdoor pool into an indoor paradise all year round.

Aqua Shield Inc. is a manufacturer of State of the Art Telescopic Pool Enclosures. Our unique patented design of any pool enclosure has all the advantages of traditional enclosures, but incorporates a telescopic feature (that’s why we also call it telescopic pool enclosure) that allows one piece seamless sections to slide under each other effortlessly, while maintaining a watertight seal and minimizing the loss of heat generated by the sun or water heater.

{large picture here}

Aqua Shield has all the advantages of the traditional enclosures, but
incorporates a telescopic pool enclosure design that allows one piece seamless arches
to slide under each other effortlessly, while maintaining a watertight
seal and minimizing loss of heat generated by sun or water heater.

Not so much for repeating text, but for making sure the keywords are there did I care 🙂